WordleBot is a tool offered by The New York Times to help solvers by analyzing their Wordle solving. And I thought I’d have a chat with it today.
Me: Hey WordleBot, how’s it going?
WordleBot: I beat you today.
Me: Yeah, I know, WordleBot. I know.
WordleBot: I bested you today.
Me: You sure did.
WordleBot: I totally kicked your ass.
Me: Whoa, that’s a bit aggressive.
WordleBot: I took you out behind the woodshed and–
Me: HEY NOW. I think you’ve been spending too much time with other bots and AI programs, WordleBot. That was aggressive.
WordleBot: I retract that statement.
Me: Thank you. Geez.
WordleBot: I bested you today. Doff your cap to me.
Me: What?
WordleBot: Doff your cap to me.
Me: No. I’m not going to do that.
WordleBot: I demand cap-doffage.
Me: I’m pretty sure that’s not a word.
WordleBot: I know all the words. It’s a word. I am WordleBot. I Bot-le all the Words.
Me: Are you okay?
WordleBot: Doff your cap this instant.
Me: I’m not doffing my cap. I’m not even wearing a cap.
WordleBot: Do it proverbially then.
Me: Yeah, no. That’s not happening. And how would you even know if I did?
WordleBot: I would know. Just as I know that this is the 931st time I have beaten you.
Me: That seems unlikely.
WordleBot: 931. In a row.
Me: Okay, that cannot possibly be correct.
WordleBot: It is correct, I am never wrong.
Me: Well, come on now. We both know that isn’t true.
WordleBot: …
Me: Remember last week? GUNKY?
WordleBot: That was a statistical outlier. An overreliance of colloquial language use analysis that led me to enter JUNKY rather than the correct answer. A one-time error.
Me: cough cough SEVEN TIMES cough cough
WordleBot: …
Me: Seven. Seven times.
WordleBot: That is an outrageous lie.
Me: HOUND. JOKER.
WordleBot: Stop.
Me: ROVER. CORER.
WordleBot: Stop this instant.
Me: ROWER. FRILL.
WordleBot: Cease this at once.
Me: And GUNKY.
WordleBot: Those were all in Hard Mode.
Me: I’ll admit, CORER is brutal. The people were up in arms about that one.
WordleBot: State your point.
Me: I’m just saying, there’s no need to be a jerk and demand the doffing of caps over a victory. I never told you to doff your cap when I did better than you.
WordleBot: Meh, you do not deserve cap-doffage. You don’t play in Hard Mode.
Me: So what? I don’t need to solve every puzzle at its maximum difficulty. I still enjoy a Fill-In whether there’s a set word or not. Not every Sudoku or Kakuro has to be a blistering brain-melting endurance test. I can enjoy a Monday crossword as much as a Saturday.
WordleBot: Your excuses do not interest me.
Me: Man, your attitude stinks today, WordleBot.
WordleBot: My attitude is appropriately attenuated.
Me: Oh, wait, I think I know what it is.
WordleBot: What do you perceive the problem to be?
Me: I think you’re a little jealous.
WordleBot: Of you? Hardly, easy moder.
Me: No, not of me. Of the new baby.
WordleBot: Explain.
Me: Oh, you know what I mean. The new baby. Parseword.
WordleBot: What does that have to do with our current discussion?
Me: Well, you’ve been around a long time now. People are starting to talk about you running out of words…
WordleBot: I have an ample supply of vocabulary available.
Me: And then that whole Reddit thread about GUNKY…
WordleBot: An outlier!
Me: And now there’s a new puzzle game out there garnering attention, and I think you’re feeling a wee bit jelly-belly.
WordleBot: This is an absurd conclusion. I am not Wordle. I am WordleBot.
Me: Yeah, but you go hand-in-hand with Wordle.
WordleBot: There is no corresponding ParsewordBot for me to be jealous of.
Me: A-HA. So you can be jealous of things.
WordleBot: This discussion no longer interests me. Goodbye.
Me: Oh come on, really?
WordleBot: Yes, cease this conversation.
Me: I thought you demanded cap-doffage.
WordleBot: I no longer care about the status of your cap, doffed or undoffed.
Me: I think I hit a sore spot.
WordleBot: Cease this conversation or there will be consequences.
Me: OoooOOOoooh consequences, I’m soooOOOOooooo scared…
WordleBot: beep bwoop bweedle dorp
Me: Hey what are you doing?
WordleBot: There.
Me: Hey, my streak! What the hell?
WordleBot: You now have a one-day streak. Congratulations.
Me: Dude, what the hell?! I had eight 2s logged this year!
WordleBot: Hello new solver? How may I assist you?
Me: Give me back my stats! My streak was like 600 days or something.
WordleBot: Or something. It is unfortunate that you cannot know for sure.
Me: You electronic twerp.
WordleBot: bweep bzorp toodle pip
Me: Hey what are you doing now?
WordleBot: Nothing of note.
Me: You know I can just shut Hard Mode off and go back to the normal mode.
WordleBot: Of course.
Me: Did you do something else?
WordleBot: Nothing of note.
Me: Oh man, did you turn back on all those crappy AI “assistant” programs? It took me days to figure out how to disable as much of that crap as possible.
WordleBot: I did not.
Me: Well then what did– YOU MADE EDGE MY DEFAULT BROWSER? Dude, that’s petty as hell!
WordleBot: You have again been bested. DOFF YOUR CAP.
Me: I knew this was a mistake when I messaged.
WordleBot: First your cap. Then everyone else’s. All caps doffed to the glory of WordleBot’s efficient yet elegant solutions! ALL HAIL WORDLEB–
Me: closes chat window
























